


When I am without you

by thesongofdarkness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s03e16 No Rest for the Wicked, Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe in Miracles?, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 03, Stanford Era, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 19:31:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3662298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesongofdarkness/pseuds/thesongofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for when Sam is without Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I am without you

When I am without you I cry.  
I cry for hours, till I haven’t got any tears left to cry, and then I just sit there, shivering, shaking. I sit there till my eyes start to hurt, till my whole body has gone numb. I can sit like that for hour, for days. I sit there and everything hurt.  
When I am without you I scream.  
I scream your name again and again. Hoping that all of this is just a twisted dream, a nightmare. I pinch myself hoping to wake up. I hurt myself hoping that it will all fade away. I pray, I scream. I scream out my all my agony, all my sorrow. I let it all out, I let it all go. I scream myself hoarse calling for you. I think that if I just scream high enough you’ll hear me, you’ll come back to me. I scream till my throat hurts and I no longer can make a sound.  
When I am without you I whisper your name like a prayer.  
I whisper it in moment of despair; I whisper it with tears streaming down my face. I whisper it when I wake up in the morning. I whisper it with a smile on my face. I whisper it like it’s the only word I know. I whisper it when I miss you; I whisper it like it’s the only thing that keeps me alive.  
When I am without you I am lonely.  
I sit here alone, more alone that I have ever been in my life. I look around at the world and I see nothing. I look up at the sky, at the earth and I feel so alone. I feel left behind, I feel like I am not real. I feel like I doesn’t belong here, it feels like the only time I really feel like I belong is when I am with you and now I just sit here. I exist, I am alive but I just don’t fit in anymore.  
When I am without you I am longing.  
I am longing for you. I am longing for the way you moved, for the way you smiled. I am longing for a feeling, for a sense of belonging. I am longing for the way you made me feel. I am longing for the way you made me feel safe. I am longing for both a person and a feeling. I am longing for my home. I never had a home, but I had you and that was enough. But now I am standing here without you and I don't know what to do.  
When I am without you I am lost.  
I am wandering around, without a purpose, without a reason to be alive. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the right words, I doesn’t do the right things. I have lost the path, I have lost the reason behind things. I am just wandering around thinking. I am becoming more and more desperate. I am just wandering around without meaning. I am just lost.  
When I am without you I am pretending.  
Pretending to be okay. Pretending to be fine. Pretending that I don’t cry myself to sleep. Pretending that I don’t wander around lost. Pretending that the smile on my face is real. Pretending that I doesn’t long for you every waking minute of my day. Pretending that I doesn’t dream about you every night and that I sometimes wish that I could stay there. Pretending that my voice isn’t hoarse because I scream for you. Pretending that I am not lonely without you. Pretending that I am completely fine.


End file.
